Could be a fetish. Does that help?
Moving on I came across two webcasts on “intimacy” while having Multiple Sclerosis. Not that it matters but the order I listened to them was Intimacy and MS: Keeping Your Relationship Strong and then Let’s Talk About Sex. The first one was definitely the better one but overall they both covered the same things. Here are my thoughts.
These webcasts can really apply to any disorder and really just apply to sex in general. There are certainly some things specific to MS, but one of the takeaways from this was that not everything is MS. Just because you have MS does not mean that is the cause of your problem. I think they gave a perfect example of it is not MS in the second webcast.
The big one, and no surprise, is to communicate with your loved one. If you are having any issues or things that need adjusting than obviously that is something you need to work on together. Is anything more intimate than sex? There seemed to be a recurring theme of impotence and bladder dysfunction in both webcasts. To be fair one person’s bladder dysfunction is Tiger Woods fetish. Bottom line communicate with your loved one your issues and desires so you can work as a team.
The other big thing that I would hope is common sense but was a major theme is take something (e.g. Medication, Sexual Aids/toys) to work with physical problems. So we have already connected with our love one above, but that does not automatically fix the physical issues. If you have erectile dysfunction than take some medicine, do not give up on sex. I liked the example in the webcast where the guy gave up on sex because of the erectile dysfunction without explanation, his wife felt rejected, and it led to an affair. Switching sexes there was a lot of focus on females who have lost a significant amount of sensation and have trouble reaching orgasm. They discussed that with reduced sensation it is nothing personal to the male, but it may take something extra, like a vibrator, to achieve an orgasm. (In the webcast the recommendation was for a high power vibrator if you are having decreased sensation. If this is really your first vibrator do you really need to start out with D cells or AC power?
I need to sidetrack for a moment. In the webcast the doctor was bemoaning that all the sex drugs are for men (Viagra, Cialis, etc.) and that there is no Viagra for women. I am curious what Viagra for women would accomplish. For men it overcomes a physical problem. What physical problem do women want solved? Vaginal dryness is something a lot of women suffer after menopause, as well as other times, and there are lotions for that. If it is libido men battle that too and have to take hormones. I can’t see women wanting to take a pill for increased vaginal blood flow, but Viagra may help with that. What would female Viagra accomplish?
It always seems like it is the male that is the example of doing something wrong. No exception this time. A male said he had no problem getting an erection while masturbating, but had trouble when having sex with his wife. This is a perfect example of MS is not causing your problems. On the other hand, excuse the pun, he has some serious sexual problems since he would rather have sex with his hand. This is actually not that uncommon of a problem and they are seeing an increasing number of college age men with the same problem. Too much porn. So I would lay money he is addicted to his hand and photo shopped images of women. If you are addicted to a lie reality is a lot less fun. I am looking at the hand there and it is not doing much for me; probably not helping is that it is not my hand, and I am not left handed. Good ‘ol Rosey; always available and always faithful.
Bottom line two things to take away. First and foremost communicate with your loved one about everything and definitely about sex and your desires and issues. Secondly, if there are problems look for the tools that will help with that specific issue. Finally it does not matter whether MS is causing the impotence, bladder dysfunction, or lack of vaginal sensitivity just get the tools you need to help with the situation.