I guess I should have been a little more clear in my disability post that without some change (i.e. going to a new drug that would lessen the lesion load) that I find disability inevitable. I’m sure next Thursday when I go to the neuro we will be analyzing where to go from here. The prospect of disability, while has always been present since my diagnosis, faded significantly after I got over the first exacerbation. Over the last 8 months it has just been exacerbation after exacerbation – sometimes not lasting very long (only a couple of weeks) and others lasting longer. These repeated exacerbations are really bringing the thought of disability to the forefront as it is seeming highly realistic – especially since after 3 months of Solu-Medrol we couldn’t get rid of the tremors. Losing control of my legs and needing a wheelchair bothered me very much at first but doesn’t bother me at all now – especially with Katja being proof that mobility aids are a very good thing if you need them and are certainly nothing to fear, despise, or resent. Plus I spend most of my life sitting or laying and my legs would not really impact my job at all. My arms and hands are what is a much larger concern because that would significantly impact my ability to do my job. With being a Windows SysAdmin I need my hands to navigate all of the GUI’s – maybe it is time to pursue the dream of being a Unix SysAdmin so I could focus on the command line with voice recognition.
My wife told me that thinking that disability is inevitable it is going to make it a self fulfilling prophecy. Maybe so. On the other hand I am a lot less optimistic of avoiding disability now. For a while I thought that maybe the big cost of having Multiple Sclerosis for me would be getting lots of injections – now I wonder if that will be the case.